consequently i now know what mace tastes like
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
