woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
