Your tits are I can't wait for
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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