I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
