Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
