Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
