ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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