that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize