yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
