R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
