So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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