he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
