Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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