My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize