bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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