I want you more than these girls want KFC
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
