Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize