When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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