So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
