also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
