Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
