I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
