even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
