C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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