it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
