why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
