I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
