Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize