Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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