My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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