Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
