I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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