Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
