I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
