her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
