Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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