Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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