im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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