we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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