I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize