I think I am morally bankrupt
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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