I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
