I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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