Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
