he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
