ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
