so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
