woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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