he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize