At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
