We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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