I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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