Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
