Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
