Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
