there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
