I could have mohawked her pubes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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