Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
