All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
