I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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