I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
