I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
