I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
