hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
