I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
