well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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