mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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