GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
