Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
