I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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