well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Text me some of your sweat
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
