what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
