I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
