We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
