The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
