the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
